I have a confession: I’ve really only ever written one story.

 Sure I’ve written a few articles in both high school and college, played around with different techniques, but the majority of my creativity and writing has gone into ONE project for the last (I can’t believe I’m saying it) 8 years!

This realization makes me feel like a seriously phony writer and I can’t believe I’m admitting it to the world, let alone any other writer who (might) stumble upon it. I was the definition of what it looks like to stagnant as a writer- throwing all my literary eggs in one basket with no backup plan. I came face to face with this reality these last couple months, when it looked like the possibility of the book I had spent years writing was going to be nothing but a graveyard of buried hopes (yes, I will quote Anne of Green Gables, forever). I literally had no backup plan, no ulterior mode to publication, and no other card up my sleeve.

I have to admit it:

I thought I only had one story in me and that story in its essence wasn’t even my own, it was loaned to me for the telling.

 Then my publisher (still totally geeking out about being able to say that) emailed me with an invitation to write in an upcoming Christmas collaboration (for next year) as a means to help me get my name established as an author. It needed to include a central theme (for me to know and you to find out), but other than that, IT COULD BE ABOUT ANYTHING I WANTED. At first I was like “whoa, you want me to write a book (novella actually) to help pave the way for the BOOK?”

Then that backdoor realization/fear/taunting voice slithered over:

“You can’t write anything else. You’ve NEVER written anything else. You’re literally incapable of being a real writer coming up with a story that people will actually read.”

I wrestled with this voice and seriously almost turned down the whole endeavor (against my publishers *eek* recommendation) because the book assignment didn’t feel like me. I had spent so long in the mindset of the death and trauma of the Cambodian Genocide that I didn’t know if I could write something light and *happy.* I also spent all my efforts on telling a TRUE story, so although I had to employ creativity in its telling, the barebones of the story had long been laid. I was scared to write something that didn’t seem to have especial literary appeal or some deep, weighty, existential theme. It felt degrading in a way, to allow myself to write about anything else! But because I was given this opportunity and would be a fool to turn it down, I began to brainstorm.

> I emailed my publisher (*alleluia* I’ll stop now). “I have an idea based on a historical figure, but the true story ends sadly. Does this need to be happy?”<

* Chuckles. *

My poor publisher! I bet she was like “what is it with this girl and making people suffer? This is a Christmas story, for Pete’s sake! Of COURSE it needs to be happy!” But in great compassion and charity of spirit, she merely replied: “probably best to keep it happy.”

I said again and again: “Ok, happy and light, happy and light,” as I continued to brainstorm ideas and do some more research. I wasn’t feeling inspired and was getting frustrated with myself because I couldn’t seem to break out of my box. The old fears and taunts were creeping in again, but then a new thought sped past them into my consciousness, blowing creativity into my sails:

If you could write about ANYTHING and ANYONE in ANY CULTURE what would it be about?

It was a simple question and may seem very elementary to anyone else, but to me it was revolutionary. This was honestly not something I have never really explored!

I let myself dream up a place, a time and setting that I wanted to write about, then researched historical figures surrounding those times (I love history, what can I say?).

Then I GOT MY STORY.

Let me just say now, this story is not existential, it doesn’t explore underrepresented people groups, isn’t academically inclined and it doesn’t seem to have all that much eternal significance, but my goodness, I’m so enjoying writing it! Writing it has been a gift and it’s been good for my soul to write something new, even if it doesn’t get published or turns out to be complete rubbish. I’m allowing myself to create and am following where that leads and I’m thankful that I am not defined by a single story or a single theme.

You, dear reader, I want to say the same thing to you. I want to wrap you in a warm, cozy blanket, give you a cup of coffee and tell you that you are not defined by a single theme in your life. If the theme of depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-loathing, anger, giving into temptation and a million other “darker themes” have eclipsed every other story being written in your life, I want to say to you that that is not all you are. You are able to overcome, because HE is able. He longs to fill you with the knowledge of His will for your life and write His name across every page, turning the dark smudges into a thing of beauty. You are able to tell a new story, to BE a new story. I can’t wait to see what it is.