
On Updating Plug-ins
October 4, 2024
Recovering from Burnout
(and from life really, let's be real)
You may be surprised to hear that I’ve been pretty unproductive of late, after publishing a mammoth of a book. It’s taken about every ounce of energy to not “just do something for the sake of doing something.” I honestly had no idea how difficult it would be to actually and intentionally “take a break,” even though I had been longing for one for what felt like eons. It’s crazy how foreign rest feels when I first began. It actually took me almost four months to even begin to feel like I was hitting my stride in the rest department.
I’ve learned a few lessons so far, that I thought were worth jotting down, you know, for the sake of posterity. Also, if I don’t write about it, did it really happen? I’m realizing how much is cemented and reclaimed in my life if I actually take the effort to write it down, rather than just letting it swim in the soup of my brain (looking at you, morning pages).
In an honest effort to “not market the book, blog, plan social media content, newsletter, stare at my screen in despair, etc…” as fanatically as I have in the past, I’ve discovered some things that I’ve needed to ditch and others that I have incorporated into my life. The list is as follows, in no particular order:
Ditched:
- The Artist Way, by Julia Cameron. I have to be honest with you because I talked about it in the past, I ditched the Artists Way. I tried, I really tried, but at some point, I tapped out, because it became clear that the author and I perhaps weren’t talking about the same God. I loved certain concepts like, “when we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the Creator's creativity within us and our lives,” and “creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.” Additionally, morning pages are a significant part of my life now and I’m deeply grateful that a friend introduced me to them. However, eventually I couldn’t overlook the ideas that didn’t sit right. For instance, the generalized belief in Pantheism (God is in everything- in the sense that the collective is God) and the “human potential” movement (heavy emphasis on tapping our unlimited potential to essentially become “godlike”). Ultimately the big emphasis on “force and energy,” felt akin to New Age theology. I think this book can be an incredible tool for some, but was just too much for me to weed through at this delicate and precarious time in my life.
Replaced with:
- Unlocking the Heart of the Artist, by Matt Tommey. I’ve been working my way through this one slowly, on Tuesday mornings, while sitting in a patch of sunlight. I really appreciate not only his perspective, but also his pursuit of assisting Christian artists for their good and God’s glory. I can tell the author has read The Artist Way as some of the concepts have been bowered, but are renamed and reframed. I especially like that in addition to the more practical tools, he encourages “soaking” worship and prayer, as a means of meeting with God to minister to our hearts. I have this quote saved: “As you are intentional in your desire for the beauty of His presence, the roadblocks you now face will become your pathway to healing and unlimited creativity.” I’ve realized that just like anything, creativity can become an idol. I am not willing to sacrifice God’s word in pursuit of some “thing to make my life feel more meaningful.” As I pursue Him, the rest will come, of that I’m confident.
Ditched:
- Reading strictly Historical Christian Fiction (which is the genre my book falls under and one I have loved). I always felt behind on all the reading I needed to do, to feel like a worthy and contributing member to this particular genre. There are so many incredible authors and my TBR got so overwhelming, reading didn’t feel fun anymore. This was a big moment for me, to allow myself to stop doing something that I felt like I should be. “Reading” began to feel like a chore, instead of a pleasurable pastime and I knew, as Mrs. Clavel says, “something was not right.”
Replaced with:
- Movies. Shocker, I know. I almost whisper this, but the shame over this “unworthy pastime” it is starting to evaporate. I’ve found so much joy in re-watching old movies I used to love and finding new ones that have been waiting to be discovered. This wasn’t something I’ve done frequently, but maybe once a week, as a special treat and I’ve been gaining so very much from allowing myself this time of magnificent unproductivity. Some of my favorites so far: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, The Roman Holiday, The One-hundred Foot Journey, Wild Mountain Thyme, The Genius, and Age of Adeline. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed actually rediscovering the thing’s that I enjoy. It’s been incredibly freeing and feels even rebellious somehow and perhaps it is rebelling against all the times I’ve overworked and overdrove myself into a deficit.
Ditched:
- HIIT. I know, I know, physical exertion is really good for you. Sweating is really good for you. I have found that it was just another area I was pushing myself in an unhealthy way, early before everyone was awake. I’ve gone through cycles in my life of doing it all, or doing nothing at al, but never striking a healthy balance. I always felt better doing it, but if baby woke up in the night or I didn’t get enough sleep, it felt like another thing I was failing at. I have always felt though, that I need to do “all the things,” in order to be of much worth at all, which is humanly impossible. So in another act of rebellion, I have stopped doing all the things, even ALL the good things.
Replaced with:
- Long walks. Oh man, I just love walking, especially if I’m alone. I can go fast or slow and my favorite walks are with an audiobook or in complete silence. To feel the rhythm of my feet, the cold breeze and the fog in my head lifting. More often times than not, I have to stop to jot down a poem or an idea comes to me, freely and without effort on my part. I have never once regretted a walk, not ever.
As mentioned above, these are simple little adjustments to my life that have brought joy and have given me a sense of relief and rest. I guess it should be no great shocker in life to realize that you’ll have more joy when doing things you enjoy, but I tend to be a little dense when it comes to the more practical revelations. Also, I don’t think I’m the only one to discover that things that I truly enjoy, can shift, like the ever-changing landscape. I also don’t think I’m alone in not actually knowing how to rest. It’s so very easy to get into the trap of doing things because they need to be done or because I think they’re expected or, even worse, someone asked me too. I honestly didn’t know that finding joy in creativity and life again would feel so much like mining: it’s uncomfortable, dirty and sometimes feels like you’re not getting anywhere. Until one day, the creativity will once again feel like a gift and not only a burden. I’m not there yet, but getting closer every day.
“I've started asking, 'Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?'" ~Nicola Jane Hobbs
I’d love to know, what movie should I add to my list?