Sinking in Social Media
April 9, 2024
What’s In A Name?
July 5, 2024
On turning 30
& the 30 things I've learned
I awaken in the night, the house shudders. I roll over. The window flashes as lightening illuminates the pelting rain and writhing trees. We’d heard it might become a tornado, but when a storm hits in Kentucky, I’m always shocked at its violence. It’s a violence that suggests the house might just blow away at the next gust. A violence that is terrifying to behold, yet captivating at the same time. A violence that always makes me wonder how it was peaceful just a few hours before.
“Let’s go downstairs.” Steven says. I bundle up blankets and pillows and we head into the dark basement, curling up on the couch to listen to the wind beat against the house.
“Happy Birthday,” he chuckles. “You’re 30 now!”
I look at the clock. It’s true, it’s after midnight. I’m thirty.
What a way to begin a year, a year that feels like a milestone. Starting it in violence, in awe, in seeking refuge. Somehow it’s fitting. We truly hold little power over our environments.
I’m not in my twenties anymore, which feels weird and I’m on my way to forty which is terrifying. I still feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to call myself an “adult” yet. Can someone tell me when that starts? I’m in a continual loop of learning and growing and never truly being that concrete thing of adulthood that I had always illusioned. I can’t hardly believe I’ve already lived thirty whole years of this beautiful, exhausting, messy and challenging life. Yet, there’s something in my soul that feels older, hopefully a little wiser too. A growth that I hope will continue until the day I die.
I have mixed feelings about this milestone because I’m old or young, depending on who you ask.
It’s just another year, but in truth, it is also more than that. I think we as humans lose something when we fail to remember, memorialize, or take note of all that has been gained, learned, and discarded over the years.
Because if we’re honest, it seems like the truly wise and seasoned in years rely on platitudes like “it goes so fast,” which is true, but doesn’t specifically help a mother who feels like she might not make it to the days end. Or this is true for a college student, who probably won’t get much help on her current struggles from the burned out mom who thinks being in college again would be bliss. I think this is also true for those nearing the end of their life, seeking wisdom on how to end well. I think we are so adaptable to our environments and our current seasons, we truly just forget if we don’t make a conscious effort to remember.
The funny and tragic thing about time, is there is no cheating it. There is no hack to turn it back and no way to have a do-over. This is general knowledge and is cliché to the max, but it’s also true. There is only stewardship of this thing we call now, as it slips by, until an entire life has been lived.
For me, writing is one simple act of stewardship and of endeavoring to capture and to remember that which should not pass into the abyss.
Will the world in its orbit be influenced by my great words of wisdom? No, probably not, but I think I’ll know the difference if I fail to take note. Also, if you are reading these humble words and something resonates with you, then that’s a difference. For me, this simple exchange is everything. I think life is like that, one small thing gained, another discarded one after the other, until our race has been run. So here is my own small thing, my list of 30 somethings that I’ve picked up along the way (in no particular order).
- God cares as much about how I do something as what I do. I can’t fool Him.
- Don’t skimp on the real butter. Fat is your friend (grass fed will change your life).
- Consistently writing morning pages is worth the effort (from my friend Angela). Do this before unleashing a torrent of words on your poor husband.
- Feeling “off” or depressed? Go dig in the dirt. Gardening saves lives.
- It’s not your kids, it’s your addiction to productivity that is the real issue.
- Deep reoccurring reactions/feelings need to be processed and healed, not just ignored until they come back again (from my friend Nancy).
- How you talk to yourself is important. It will effect everything you do.
- It’s ok if you didn’t get the HIIT workout done. Just go for a walk.
- Structure and routine are important in motherhood, but don’t be ruled by them.
- Write it down or you’ll forget (from my mom). Write down what you need at the grocery store. What your child says that shouldn’t be forgotten. Take sermon notes. Record your dreams.
- Protect silence. Take out the earbuds and go for a walk. Don’t multitask yourself out of silence.
- Stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.
- Go bare feet any time you can.
- Relationships are more work the older you get, especially the ones worth having.
- Do that parasite cleanse and don’t over think it.
- Romanticize your life. No one else will. It’s your life to live.
- Motherhood in the young years goes by in five minuets, but it’s like five minutes under water. Ask for help when you need it.
- Not all criticism is true. Some is, some isn’t. It’s up to you to put in the hard work to figure it out.
- Use the seasons as your guide. God created us a certain way: not every season is a growing or harvesting season. Some seasons are slower, but that doesn’t mean they’re barren.
- Don’t internalize everything. Get it out: write it down, talk to a friend, scream it into the storm.
- Anxious thoughts and earnest care, is not the same as praying for a matter. Always pray first, otherwise your energy is poured out uselessly.
- Most hardship is an opportunity for growth. Don’t wish it away, lean into it and learn.
- Want to be a good friend? Learn how to ask questions and truly listen to the response. It’s all that’s needed. (from my sister, Jes).
- Examine your jealousy. It may be a good indication of how you’ve stopped taking responsibility for your life.
- Don’t feel guilty for crying. Your pride is dying.
- Read the Bible. Read it in a year. Read one book for 4 months. The pace doesn’t matter. It’s not just so you can “do the right thing.” It’s so you can hold up the only mirror that will show you who you are are and Who God is (from my dad).
- Just because it looks easy doesn’t mean it is. Most people don’t talk about how hard something is. Don’t compare yourself to a perception of someone else’s journey.
- Some friendships will last through different life seasons. Some won’t. That’s ok.
- Do a house purge of stuff every season. When you have less stuff, you’ll have more mental clarity.
- Parenthood is just as much about your growth as it is your child’s.
Many of these ideas have been plagiarized from someone and somewhere, so I’m sorry if I’ve missed attributing them properly. The funny thing about advice/wisdom is that it’s meant to be shared and the final destination is yet to be determined when it is spoken. Kind of like dandelion dust, it floats until it finds its target and there it takes root. Writing this list was much more difficult than I had anticipated, because 30- after all- isn’t a very big number. Are these the most important? Is this the best I can do? What will it feel like to write this list at 50, 70 or even a hundred? It’s a sobering thought. I do hope however, that the farther I go, the more wisdom I’m able to acquire. I think this is like picking flowers as we walk life’s road, having something to hold as a memory of the past and a promise of a future.
If you could add one piece of wisdom to carry me into my thirties, what would it be?
I’d love to know!
Olivia
4 Comments
Keep Writing! (My wisdom for your future).
Thank you! I hope to for sure 🙂
This was such a lovely list to read! Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for reading, Emma!