I was lying face up, as the automatic massager rolled up and down my back. It made a dull, rhythmic hum. The lights were dim. A minute passed, welcoming a rare moment of stillness. Only a rare moment was allowed.

“You should just jump up and grab your phone real quick so you can get farther on that ARC you’re supposed to be reading. Quick, before the roller makes another pass.”

The words were innocent enough and I tensed, waiting for a good chance to get up, when another thought slipped into my consciousness.

“No, just lay there.”

I knew that voice, it was the voice that typically interjects at moments when I am not in a particularly “listening mood.” It’s the voice that calms my storms, as well as has the capacity to stir them up inside of me. The voice that knows me intimately- my every thought, desire and motive- better than I do. I recognize this voice as the Holy Spirit speaking when I’d rather not listen. You would think I would lean into His message, but again I resisted.

I really need to finish reading this story though! It’s so good and I’m behind! This is a rare moment without children around and I can think clearly. I need to maximize every second! I shouldn’t just lay here!

Despite my pleading, the feeling to be still, persisted. So I lay there staring up at the ceiling light, displaying a pleasant tropical theme doing nothing. I let my mind drift, to ponder, to be still. It only lasted 5 minuets, but sometimes that is enough to break us out of a pattern we don’t need to be in.

It was in that stillness, He continued to speak.

“Therefore, since the promise of entering His rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it.”

I had read that before, I think it was in Hebrews (Hebrews 4:1 to be exact). Conviction flooded in. Not shame, as the two produce very different things. Conviction is like Jesus unlocking your door and beckoning you to step out into the sun after being locked in a dark house all day. Your eyes sting at first and you want to retreat into the darkness, but only for a moment, because He has your hand and also, because you want to see clearly. Shame makes you want to slink back into the shadows, preferring to believe that the sun is not for you and that Jesus would never want to touch your hand.

I welcomed that clarity of conviction. Of all the things that I had been doing, rest and stillness wasn’t one of them. I had plenty of excuses: three young children, one to homeschool, a small business to help run, a book to launch, social media content to keep up with, a house to clean, laundry to do, endless meals to cook…

You see I get caught in the performance trap that if I’m doing more, then that must mean I’m doing better. Am I alone, out there? If I’m doing better then I must be pleasing God more, somehow earning my spot as a “faithful servant of God.”

You know, the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10, always kinda bothered me. I would prefer that Jesus would have at least given Martha proverbial thumbs up for “doing all the things.” But he didn’t. He does the exact opposite actually and gives her a bit of a tune up and leaves a gentle warning to all the “Martha’s” to come after her. He lovingly unwraps Martha’s identity around her need for performance and diffuses her expectation that others needed to have the same objective. He shifted her focus to the better choice- the choice Mary made.

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.

She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I love what Jesus says: “few things are needed- or indeed only one.” He applauds Mary’s single focused adoration. He lavishes His approval on her act of devotion, when other things (cue Martha’s dagger eyes) were vying for her attention. He saw her heart, and its longing to be with him as if nothing else mattered in the world. Some may call it laziness, but Jesus called it the “better” choice.

Jesus also goes so far as to tell Martha not to interfere with Mary, as he declares that, “it [her place at Jesus feet] will not be taken away from her.”

I think He wants to do the same thing for us. I think He wants to shield us from the pressures of the world and the millions of distractions that vie for our attention each day. We can only do that however if we are in proximity to Him, looking into His face, listening to the words He speaks.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the “doing” that has to get done, that we barely give a nod to the Savior of our souls who is inviting us to sit with him, not rush past him to bake the bread, set the table and entertain the guests. May we press into “stillness” this season when the world is shouting at us to do more, buy more, and be more. May we allow Him to redefine what we deem as the better choice, until we desire Him- being the only choice worthy of our attention.